he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
