chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
