I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize