Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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