just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
