I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He did a backflip because drugs
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