she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
