i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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