Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize