Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you had me at cake vodka
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
