Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
