The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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