ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize