i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
