my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
