Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
