I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
