I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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