I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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