he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
