I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
