What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
