John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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