I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
