please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
