i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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