I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
