I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
