after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so much tequila, so little girl.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
