All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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