I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
