We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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