The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
