the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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