At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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