Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize