If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
