Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
