we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
