Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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