i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
