no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
