We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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