69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
