U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
