The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
