if only i could text you this smell
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
