When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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