so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
