Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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