Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
