I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
