FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
