so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
