the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
