I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
