Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
