She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
