we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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