Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
