where does the pee come out of this thing
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You are a genius and a whore.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
