Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
