i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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