like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it's like iHOP with fire
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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