One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize