were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
