Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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